I knew the night was going to be a bad one as I raced home from
work. Linda had called me that morning, practically hysterical; her
parents were coming tonight, and it wasn't to be a pleasant visit.
They were coming to take her back to Georgia, and away from the "gay
bitch" who'd turned their lovely daughter into a "damned lesbo."
Linda and I had been together for 6 months, and it was a wonderful
relationship. We'd even made plans a week before to fly to another
state where same sex marriages were allowed, and quietly get
hitched. The previous weekend, we'd gone around to pick out rings
for each other. I'd be starting a new job the next week, and planned
on telling everyone I'd been widowed years before and still wore it.
She'd make up a similar story at her job; she'd only been there a few
weeks, and was so quiet few people knew much about her yet
(intolerance in this neck of the woods is rampant, and neither of us
needed to lose our jobs so soon. We'd only moved to the city when
she started her new position, so we had some hefty moving bills to
pay. I was certain my job would be gone in a minute, as certain as I
was my new boss had a white sheet and pointed hat in his closet at
home). I felt lousy about hiding it, as part of me wanted so badly
for everyone to know this cute little blonde was all mine. Linda was
petite, with soft features and short, thick hair; her slender body was
made up of gentle curves from head to toe. Her breasts were small
but firm; she'd talked about getting implants when we first started
seeing each other, but I convinced her to put it off. I loved the
way she looked, I told her, and didn't see a single thing I'd want to
change, which was the truth. She was just flat out cute exactly as
she was, with a big, sweet smile and bright blue eyes that melted me
completely the first time I looked into them. She'd never been with
another woman before, and I'd only had one short same sexed
relationship, so neither of us were "on the prowl" when we met.
Things just clicked between us right off, and I knew very quickly I'd
found the person I wanted to share my life with. There was one big
problem, though: her parents. Her father was a card carrying member
of the religious right, never missing an episode of the 700 Club, a
bigot in every way possible, and a little bit of a sleaze. I was
fairly sure he was coming on to me the first time he visited us while
his submissive wife sat in the other room. He made a few comments
about liking big boned girls (I'm from some hefty German stock, so
I'm no svelte super model. I'd dropped about 25 pounds before I'd
met Linda, and had kept it off since, so I wasn't looking too zoftig
at the time, just a solid build). She knew all hell would break
loose if he knew we were more than roomies, so we kept things
platonic when he was around, which thankfully wasn't much. She was
23, but she had never been able to pull herself out from under his
shadow. Now, apparently, he'd finally put the pieces together, and
was coming to take her back to "Hicksburg,"as she called it. She
drove out to meet me at noon, and, over lunch, we'd talked about it.
She and I agreed to stand up to him, telling him that she was staying
whether he liked it or not. She was scared, more than I'd ever seen
her, but she said she wouldn't back down this time.
That had been eight hours ago; as Murphy's Law would dictate, a dozen
problems cropped up at work, and I was three hours late getting off.
I'd tried to call, but got a busy signal every time. I figured she
had taken the phone off the hook in case her parents phoned ahead.
As I sped up the driveway, I went through what I was going to say
to "Daddy" when he arrived. I'd remain calm and in control, let him
do the ranting. I was muttering to myself when I opened the door and
looked into the living room.
Linda was hanging from the overhead beam, a thick noose around her
neck.
She swayed slightly from side to side, her slender neck stretched
noticeably. She was wearing her short red dress, the one I had told
her more than once was my favorite; it had 3/4 length draping
sleeves, beneath which she wore a pair of tall black leather gloves
that left her last two fingers free. The dress had a low, wide
neckline, and to make full use of it, I could tell she was wearing
the push-up bra she'd bought in a bold moment at Victoria's Secret a
few months before. The skirt was tight and came only midway down her
thighs, leaving a long expanse of her slim yet shapely legs, covered
in dark suntan stockings. She had completed the outfit with black
patent leather mid-calf boots sporting a high, spiked heel and a thin
black choker around her elongated throat. The dangling gold earrings
I gave her for her birthday dr@ped over the noose wedged behind her
left ear, and she wore the ring we had picked out on her finger.
Despite the flushing of her face, I could see that she had applied
her make-up with great care, as she often did for special
occasions. Her beautiful blue eyes were tinted red, staring out
blankly, no life behind them. From the moment I laid eyes on her, I
knew I was far too late, but I raced over to her regardless, placing
my hand on her leg. There was little warmth left; it was a pretty
good bet she had come home from lunch, gotten ready, and then hanged
herself right off. I looked up at the rope that had taken her life.
It was about an inch thick and was tied into a classic hangman's knot
with thirteen turns; its opposite end was secured to one of the three
wooden beams that crossed the living room ceiling. She'd evidently
placed it under her left jaw, and it had pulled around toward the
back as it tightened, coming to rest just behind her ear. It pressed
hard into her throat, sinking in deepest under her right jaw, the
large knot forcing her head to that side. I could see the skin above
and beneath the rope wrinkling and folding, showing how tight the
noose had constricted. The muscles in her neck were taut, but the
rest of her body seemed at rest. Her staring eyes aside, her
reddened face seemed strangely peaceful. That didn't seem to help,
though.
I dropped to my knees, staring up at her. I wanted to scream or cry,
but I was numb. I felt nothing, no anger, no sadness, no emotion at
all. I just felt tired, more so than I'd ever felt in my life. I
knelt there for what seemed like hours, and was startled when I heard
a loud click. I turned, and noticed the VCR was rewinding. I then
noticed our video camera was mounted on it's tripod beside the TV,
aimed at the horrible scene before me. I looked up at Linda, my jaw
dropping as it sank in.
She had video-taped her own suicide.
I waited, still kneeling on the floor, staring at the VCR, not quite
sure what I was doing. Part of me said I should call 911, or take
Linda down, but I just sat with my gaze fixed on the blinking REW on
the display. She'd intended this for me, I was sure of that
somehow. I had to see it before the police took off with it.
The tape finally stopped rewinding. I got up and grabbed the remote,
turning on the TV and then hitting the play button. A knot formed in
my stomach as Linda appeared on the screen. Her blue eyes were red
and moist, and her hand shook as she fidgeted below the screen,
adjusting the camera. She stepped back and tried to compose herself,
but her voice quavered as she spoke. "Tana, I'm making this tape so
you'll...so you alone will know why I'm doing this. Please don't
show this to anyone. I wrote a note that's on the table, but that
wasn't enough for you. I...owe you more than that. I'm sorry I'm
not stronger. I..." Her voice cracked and she turned away. She
shook her head, and pulled her shoulders back, then faced the camera
again. "I can't face them, Tana. I can't stand up to him. He'll
come, he'll yell, and I'll be a scared little girl like always, and
he'll drag me out of here. I don't want to leave you. Not that
way. This is the only thing I've got the guts to do. My decision.
My actions. Nobody else's. I can't control my life, but I can
control my..." She paused again. "I can't live without you, Tana.
I don't want to. I love you. I know this is going to hurt you, and
I hate that, but please understand, this is something I have to do.
I've thought about it before, what I'd do if they ever found out
about us, and this is how it's got to be." She stopped, and looked
back at the step-ladder in the middle of the living room. "You've
told me about your thing for hanging. I've never had the courage to
try it before, so I'm not sure what it'll be like. I read some of
the stuff you have, so I know how it's supposed to work. I made up
the noose with some rope I bought on the way home this noon." She
looked down meekly. "Tana, I knew I was going to do this today when
we talked. I decided right after Dad called. I'm sorry I lied to
you. I knew you'd do whatever you could to stop me if I let on what
I was thinking." She raised her head again. "I wanted to be with
you one more time. I wish we could have made love once more, but
that's sort of what this is for. I'm doing it this way for you.
That's why I'm taping it; I can't make love to you, but I can give
you something: my last dance. I put on the outfit you always liked
so much. I'm hoping I last long enough to really put on, you know, a
good show. For you." She smiled, but her eyes teared up. "I love
you so much, Tana. And please don't blame yourself for any of this.
It's my parents and me, not you. You gave me more in the last six
months than anyone ever has. I'll be thinking about you right
up 'til the...end." She walked back, and reached off-screen,
bringing the noose into view. She carefully slid it over her head,
positioning around her neck and pulling it tight just below her left
jaw. Again reaching off screen, Linda took a pair off handcuffs and
closed one around her left wrist. She turned and climbed up the
ladder, a little unsteadily in the high-heeled boots; a few rungs
short of the top, she stopped, and reached up to tie it off on the
overhead beam. She yanked on it hard to test the knot, and it held
firm. She took one step down, and the rope went taut, pushing her
head to the side. She reached carefully behind her back and locked
the other cuff around her right wrist. I could see the tears
streaming down her cheeks as the light glinted off them, and she
turned to face the camera again. She'd positioned it perfectly; it
would capture the full length of her body when she stepped off. She
adjusted the skirt, smoothing it down, and smiled. "I want this to
be the last thing I say, Tana. I love you." She reflexively took a
deep breath, took one booted foot off the ladder rung, and then
closed her eyes as she pushed back hard with the other foot.
The ladder toppled over and my beautiful Linda swung free, hanging
for me.
Linda dangled for a long moment, turning on the rope, her legs spread
apart slightly, her toes pointed downward. As she rotated, I could
see that the noose had tightened and the knot had moved forward, just
in front of her ear. The muscles in her neck stood out as her whole
body seemed to tense. She flexed her fingers behind her as she turned
her back to the camera, and I saw her pull on the cuffs, testing
them. Her shoulders shifted as her legs came together; she bent her
knees and raised them until her thighs were almost horizontal. She
tried to move her head, but the rope wedging itself under her chin
made it almost impossible. Her back arched as she straightened her
legs, pushing them out behind her. Her lithe body looked so
strangely beautiful dangling there, stretched out in midair, the
tight dress hugging her gentle curves. The skirt had ridden up when
she had lifted her legs, showing even more of her shapely
extremities. Her toes turned inward, and those lovely legs began to
slowly scissor in and out, causing her to sway softly as she
continued to turn on the rope. As her face turned back toward the
camera, I could see her face was flushed. She grimaced as her mouth
parted; I could just make out her teeth on the screen, gritting
together. Whether it was pain or the force of the noose, I couldn't
tell. The rope was digging in under her chin; I could hear a soft
rasp on the tape, and saw her breasts rise and fall with an unnatural
rhythm. She was still breathing, but with great effort. Her feet
came together, and she stretched her legs straight down, struggling
to touch a floor several feet beyond her reach, squeaking as the
shiny leather boots rubbed against each other. Her arms and
shoulders moved back and forth as she tried to pull her bound hands
around to the front, first on one side, then the other. Fists
clenched, she pulled hard on the cuffs as her side faced the camera,
twisting them around to no avail; the metal manacles were to tightly
closed to slip free. Her legs came up again, faster this time, and
came right down again. I saw the shocked look on her face as it
turned away; the move had caused the noose to tighten further, and
the sound of her breathing became a hoarse wheeze. Her hips began to
gyrate, and her legs moved back and forth, not the smooth motion of
seconds ago, but more frantic, less controlled. The skirt rode up
further, and I found myself aroused as I watched those luscious legs
twitch, the afternoon light from the window glinting of the glossy,
spike-heeled boots. I felt sick at myself, watching the woman I
loved dying, and feeling hot and wet at the same time as her gorgeous
body struggled in the air.
Her body twitched more vigorously now, her legs kicking in a more
frenzied manner, first in a bicycling motion, then thrashing back and
forth. Her skirt had ridden up far enough to show the tops of her
stockings and a hint of the garters holding them up. Fingers
splayed, she tugged at the cuffs furiously to no avail. Her face
turned into view again, her eyes darting back and forth, finally
resting on the camera. She was scared, but there was an odd
resolution there, as well. I could see her chest heaving, but no
longer heard any sounds of breathing. The noose had finally cut off
her air completely. Legs pumping wildly, she jerked on the rope, her
movements growing more spasmodic. Her entire body seemed to convulse
at once as she turned and swung. Lifting her legs up once more as
she faced the lens, I could see up her skirt, and saw she was wearing
the black silk panties I had bought her a few days ago, something
special to wear on our wedding night. The tears started rolling down
my face at the thought, as I knew now that night would never come.
Then I focused again on the screen as her hips started moving in and
out, not in a spasm, but rhythmically. I watched her pull her legs
together, rubbing them back and forth, and realized what was
happening; she was feeling an orgasm coming. Her hips bucked as she
hanged there, and her legs stretched straight down, her back arching
as she with each thrust. The thrusts came faster and faster, and
then she finally spread her twitching legs apart, her fists tightly
clenched as they came into view. I had no doubt she'd come. She
started kicking again, limply this time, as though her strength was
all but gone. She jerked weakly for a few more moments, then her
body slowly relaxed, with only an occasional twitch to indicate
there was still life in her. Soon even this stopped, and she hung
there, still at last, turning on the rope with a light sway as she
did. Her mouth was shut tightly, and her eyes bulged, staring
outward. Those gorgeous eyes, red and devoid of life. The tape kept
running, showing the same scene I now looked back at. I walked over
to her, reached up, and adjusted her short skirt, giving her back a
little dignity. I glanced around the room, and my eyes fell on the
far corner. There was a pile of rope, the same kind as the noose.
She must have bought too much, I thought. I looked up at her again,
and my heart sank. She was dead, and so was a big part of me. My
eyes went back to the rope, and I knew what I had to do.
I grabbed the rope from the corner, and headed to our
bedroom. My mind was unusually clear, considering
what was happening and what I was about to do. I had
no doubts, no hesitation at all. My certainty was
almost scaring me, but I knew I had to join Linda, no
matter what. I quickly stripped off my clothes,
tossing them on the bed in a heap; I didn't need to
worry about ironing them. I stepped into the bathroom
and cleared out my body as well as I could, then
sponged of with a washcloth, just to freshen myself.
I thought of showering, but there was a part of me
that didn't want to take that much time; I didn't want
to give my single-mindedness time to wane. I noticed
something beside the tub; it was a package of Depends;
Linda had evidently gotten them so she wouldn't soil
herself as she lost control. A good thought, I
silently agreed, and tossed the package out into the
bedroom. I touched up my make-up, darkening my
eyeshadow and applying some fresh lipstick, a sinfully
rich red. I touched up a chipped nail and stuck it
under the small nail-dryer on my dresser. Satisfied I
was presentable, I took out some of the underwear I
had chosen for our first night as a married couple: a
lacy red bra and panties set with a matching garter
belt, and suntan stockings that matched Linda's. I
slipped everything on, a little disappointed that the
Depends interfered with the usual sensations I enjoyed
from underwear like this, but it would help me keep
some dignity on the rope. I then went to the closet
and pulled out the outfit Linda liked best on me: a
slim black leather skirt, a elegant white blouse with a
low cut neckline, a burgundy leather blazer, and my
knee high black leather boots with a 4" stiletto heel.
I dressed carefully, making sure everything was just
right, then pulled a wide black belt around my waist
and tied a black scarf around my neck. I opened my
jewelry box and selected a pair of dangling earrings
Linda had given me for Christmas, and a set of rings
from my last birthday, one for each finger save the
thumb, another gift from my love. I checked myself in
the full length mirror on the back of our bedroom
door, and made a few minor adjustments. I was ready.
I sat on the bed and tied the rope into a hangman's
noose identical to Linda's. It wasn't the first time
I'd done this, but I'd never planned to go all the way
as I did now. This rope would be the last thing I
felt before slipping off forever. It was a nice soft,
thick rope, perfect for this purpose; Linda had chosen
very well. Once the task was done, I went to the kitchen and pulled
a plastic tie out of the drawer, the kind that tightens and locks
into place. Once pulled tight on my wrists it would be impossible to
free myself. I shoved it in my jacket pocket and walked back out
to the living room with the rope, glancing up at Linda
again. I snatched afresh tape off the TV stand and
popped it into the video camera, adjusting the field
so it would capture both Linda and the as yet empty
space next to her. Soon, I'd be filling it. I turned it on, set it
to record, slung the rope over my shoulder and went to get the fallen
ladder. I set it up next to where Linda hung, giving myself enough
space to swing, but still close enough to
be near her. I climbed up the rungs, my heart
racing now, a slight tremor in my limbs. When I was
able to reach the overhead beam, I threw the end of
the rope over it and gauged how far down to let the
noose come down. It took a few minutes to get it in
the right position so I would be about even with her as
I dangled next to her. I stepped down a rung and took the noose in
my hands. My attention gravitated to Linda again, swaying so
slightly now. She had turned to the front, so I saw the delicate
profile of her body, her head tilted toward me. I slid the noose
over my head, my eyes never wavering from her, and pulled my shoulder
length brown hair free. With a firm tug, I tightened it around my
throat, the knot behind my left ear, knowing it would slide forward
under my jaw as it constricted. My limbs were trembling again, and
my mouth was dry. I turned around so my back was to the ladder,
taking care not to accidentally turn myself off prematurely, and
gingerly stepped down a couple of rungs. The rope went taut, pushing
my head over slightly; my guesstimating had been quite accurate, I
had given myself just enough slack so that I would hang right across
from Linda when I stepped off. I pulled the plastic tie out of my
pocket and stared at it for a moment; once it was in place, I was
committed, no matter what. No way out; even if I didn't step off the
ladder, I wouldn't be able to get free, and would eventually fall off
when my legs gave out. I would be dead, hanged regardless. I slowly
pulled the end through the slot and made a loop just big enough to
fit over my hands. I leaned back to brace against the ladder and slid
the tie onto my left wrist. I put both hands behind my back slowly,
making sure not to lose my balance, and slipped my right hand through
the loop. I closed my eyes and found the end of the tie; I started
pulling, bracing one finger against the small plastic "buckle" as I
eased the end through. The soft clicking as it closed around my
wrists seemed to echo throughout the quiet room. My breath was heavy
as I continued, until finally the tie pulled my wrists tightly
together. I tugged at it, and tried to slide a hand out; there was
no way I was going to wriggle loose. I'd left myself no way to get
out of this, but that was fine. I had no desire to turn back now. I
wanted to hang beside my Linda, to know what she had felt, and join
her forever. My eyes fell on her again, so peaceful now on the end
of that rope, so beautiful even in death. I kept my eyes locked on
her as I moved my right foot gently off the rung, almost catching the
spike heel as I did, grabbing the rung behind me with my bound hands
to keep from swinging off. The rope took some weight and cut into my
throat, the soft material feeling so strong as it embraced me. I
forced my head around to keep Linda in sight. "I love you, Linda," I
said in a quiet raspy voice. Taking a full, deep breath, I released
the rung from my white knuckled grasp and pushed back with my left
foot as hard as I could. The ladder toppled backwards and I let the
noose take me.
The rope jerked tight around my throat with more force than
I'd expected. I'd done some nooseplay before, but had never let the
noose take my weight all at once like this. I swayed back and forth
from the thrust I'd given the ladder, and I rotated rather swiftly as
I did, almost feeling dizzy as the rope unwound a bit. My body
tensed from the shock, and I instinctively reached downward with my
feet, a waste of energy considering how far above the floor I was.
As I turned, I faced Linda for an instant; I was almost dead even
with her, as I'd hoped. When it was all over, we'd be hanging side
by side.
My rotation slowed a bit, as did my swaying. Aside from my
short, vain attempt to reach the floor, I had been fairly still, just
letting my body dangle without struggling. My head was pushed to the
side, almost resting on my right shoulder. The rope was gripping my
neck like a vice, squeezing hard; it was uncomfortable, but not
really all that painful. I liked the feel of the soft rope on my
skin, though I could tell the skin under the rope was getting
irritated. A nice case of rope burn was developing, but I hardly
cared at that moment. The initial dizziness had passed, replaced by
an odd lightheadedness. It wasn't from asphyxiation, as I could still
breathe a little, and the blood was only starting to pound in my
ears. It was an intoxication of sorts, something extremely pleasant
and exciting. I moved my legs around gently in the air, feeling the
lining of my skirt brush against my legs; it was tight enough to be a
little constricting, even with the slit in the back, and that seemed
to add to the feeling now surging through my body. I felt a strong
tingling between my legs as they swayed around languidly. I knew
then an orgasm was quickly approaching, and the tingle grew stronger
as I turned past Linda again, thinking of her movements as she came
on the rope. I wondered if my last dance would be as erotic.
The noose had tightened a little more, and my breaths were becoming
wheezes. A bit more pain found its way into my pre-occupied brain,
and it started to really sink in that was slowly strangling to
death. There was a second of panic, and I frantically pulled at the
tie around my wrists. I stopped after a couple of tugs, as the tie
was far to strong to budge. I had made sure there was no turning
back from this, and I closed my eyes to calm myself. This was what I
had decided on, and it was too late to do anything but try to get the
most out of my last few moments. Linda was beside me and I was doing
something I had fantasized about since I was a girl. I was hanging
for real, going all the way. I tried to take in all the sensations:
the bite of the rope, the bulk of the hangman's knot against my jaw,
the fire building in my panties. I flexed my ankles, bringing my
toes up and my heels forward, savoring the feel of the soft leather
of my boots folding as I did. I let my feet drop back down, and
raised my legs together, holding them up as my turning slowed even
more. My neck was starting to ache slightly as it stretched, the
muscles taut and straining. I let my legs down a little too fast,
and the small jerk caused the rope to clench around my throat. My
breathing almost ceased as I tried too force another bit of air down
my constricted windpipe. Very little got through. I shifted around
as much as I could bound as I was, but the rope kept its tight grip.
My legs were moving more now, without any real conscious effort. I
pulled again on the plastic tie, twisting my hands around, but I'd
done far too good a job of tightening it. I tried to keep the panic
from coming back as my breathing all but stopped; I had gasped in my
last small bit of air. I tried to focus on Linda as she came into
view again, so still and serene now. The sight of her ignited the
pulsing heat between my legs I'd all but forgotten about, and I felt
a charge go through my body as an orgasm hit me like the proverbial
freight train. My hips bucked hard, tightening the noose even more,
but I couldn't stop it as the waves of pleasure washed over me, and I
really didn't care. It was the most powerful release I'd ever felt in
my life, and I was reveling in it. For a moment, I didn't care that
I was dying, as all I could concentrate on was the electricity
coursing through my veins. My legs came up and down convulsively as
the noose moved further under my jaw, forcing my head back.. My body
twitched and my shoulders rocked as the fire in me burned bright. I
thought I would explode from the force. As it finally began to ebb,
I felt spent; my body went limp, my feet kicking weakly. My head was
lolling back as the noose had settled almost at the front of my
throat, and I couldn't force my head around to look at Linda again.
All I could see was the beam above and the rope taking my life. My
body spasmed erratically and my lungs burned for oxygen. The roar in
my ears filled my head, and my vision began to go grey and fuzzy. My
neck was numb. I flexed my fingers, and kicked a few more times, a
meager effort that took all my remaining strength. My body stilled
save for an occasional quiver, and I dangled, my body finally
relaxed and my awareness slowly fading. I didn't really have a final
thought as blackness took me.
I awoke lying on a hard bed. My neck felt like it had been twisted
around a few times, and my head throbbed. I realized I was in the
hospital. Evidently, Linda's parents had arrived far earlier than I
had expected, trying to ambush us, no doubt, maybe hoping to beat me
to Linda. Her father had peeked in the window and caught a glimpse
of his daughter hanging from the rafters, and had broken in. It was
far too late for her, but the paramedics had arrived in time to save
me. My neck was going to be a while healing, but somehow I had
avoided permanent damage. I later found I was under suicide watch,
and I had long series of meaningless counseling sessions ahead,
helping me "deal" with my problems, with me saying all the things
they wanted to hear. Linda's father swore he'd see me hang again,
and this time no one would save me. The tapes we had both made had
made it obvious no foul play was involved, so the police filed no
charges. The officer in charge of the investigation had a long
question and answer session with me; I admitted to him that I had a
hanging fetish and had tried such things before for fun. Oddest
thing about it was, a few days later he stooped by to tell me I was
cleared of any potential charges, and surreptitiously slipped me a
small package; I opened it afterwards, and found two video tapes,
copies of Linda's and my rope dances. I decided I would have to give
him a call before long and find out just why he had done that. But
that was for later. It would be a while before I was fully
recovered, and so I had some time to play with. Some time, but not
too much. As soon as I regained enough strength to pull it off
properly and put on a powerful show, I was going to finish what I had
started.
I was going to hang again, full and long and slow, and this time I
would join Linda after dancing one last dance.
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