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Author Topic: Masturbation in Churches  (Read 758 times)

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Offline ginlane

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Masturbation in Churches
« on: March 29, 2016, 06:38:08 AM »

Hi,

So I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the correct place,   if I have posted incorrectly apologies.

Ok,   This is going to sound strange,   this is going to sound very, very strange in fact.

I've only really come recently into the full reality of this,   it was more of a feeling and emotion before,  but nothing I could consciously understand or verbalise.   
I don't know whether you would call this a sexual disorder,   or a fetish,   or a lack of maturity etc.   
I'm going to just come straight out and say it.    I'm a 43-year-old man who enjoys running around naked in churches and masturbating in them.
I've had this enjoyable desire for most of my adult life I would say,   but would very rarely expresses it.   (Actually I have no desire to actually be caught)
but I think it is (partially) the thought that I may get caught.
It is maybe also to do with my past.   I was in a cult for most of my 20s  (a cult masquerading as Christianity)  and when I came out of it I felt quite angry and hated religion.
What has brought all this to the surface is that until the end of last year I was living in Austria and before Christmas I did a three-week course in German.
I live in a rural area  & my friend would drive me over to the course in Innsbruck from where I lived  and would drop me off in a nearby village where I could get a bus back to where I was living.
The course was pretty difficult and I'm not academic.   I've always had this strong desire for reward after doing something I hate. 
Why I have these feelings and why I behave as I do makes no sense to me.
Other 43-year-olds I know do not behave in this, frankly c h i l dish and really weird way.
I would make my way into this church  (which was always empty)   I would take my clothes off,  run around with nothing on before masturbating in different places.   Lying on the altar,  in the pulpit,   I even masturbated in the confessional box. I did this nearly every day for three weeks, it was my psychological reward for getting through a morning of German classes.    This happened pretty much every day for three weeks! 
On the last day I lay down on the floor in front of the altar,  in full view of the doors and masturbated,   and in the process I very nearly got caught as two women from the village came in to clean the church.   Luckily they did not look straight up the main aisle or they would have seen something they not expect.
I know this all sounds outlandish and inexplicable.   I have no way to know what it is and what it means but there is definitely something in me to find such risk-taking behaviour exciting.
I feel like a c h i l d in a man's body,  this is certainly not the behaviour of your average 43 -year-old man.
I have always had a liking for the sacred and profane,   I don't know how to get past this,   and I do want to,  as it's not really normal and it feels like I have a big secret.
I just want to be normal,   I would like to know what is going on with me.
Every time I try to become more and I am, I rebound back into crazy c h i l dish behaviours. Trying to make myself feel better, losing myself by spending hours on the computer.
I do meditate when I can as I'm told this can help, this but when I on occasions walk past a church,  and I am not present,   I can get very triggered,  just by seeing this building.    A few times it has happened in the past where I have gone in just to do something sexual in it.   Is this something I can overcome,    I certainly see it as something undesirable and something to conquer.    Though I have absolutely no idea how to do that.   
Kind regards   Gin



 

Offline WolfDumps

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Re: Masturbation in Churches
« Reply #1 on: June 17, 2016, 08:01:51 PM »

wow, good history :)
 

 

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